i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
