Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We left the knife in your bed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
