his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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