so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I want to be your penis for a week.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
