I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
