I'm so fucking centered right now
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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