I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
