i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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