You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
