Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
