have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
