Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
