You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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