tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
