Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
