I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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