We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
pop tarts are not kleenex
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
