Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
