That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
someone owes me an orgasm
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
