i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
