Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
