If that was your dad, he is hot
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Who died my cat blue again?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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