i just wanna soil my oats bro
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
