Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
