my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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