I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had to cum in my sink.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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