Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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