thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
