I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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