so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think im going to throw up on grandma
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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