it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
