do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
