Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Randomize
