You're earring is so big in my mouth
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
