For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
