The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
