Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
