the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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