I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
