mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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