She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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