i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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