I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
