I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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