Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
