bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
