dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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