I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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