Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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