i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
