i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
