OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
