my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
