you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
