I want to walk on stilts...naked
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize