how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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